communication

By Brent AtkinsonHere we go again, I thought.Loretta and Jack were back in my office, dispirited and fed up. "I don't think I love him anymore," Loretta began, and what caught my attention was not what she said but the way she said it: quietly, flatly, as though she was beyond caring.During our first round of couples therapy, one year earlier, 31-year-old Loretta hadn't said anything quietly. She'd been chronically pissed off at Jack and had let him know via frequent, name-calling outbursts. Jack, 33, prided himself on his levelheadedness…

Knowing that their withdrawal triggers their partner, what can someone who feels attacked or criticized do – other than walking away? Wrestling with themselves and naming their feelings, gives them a moment to feel instead of shutting it down. Recognizing what happens in their body makes some room and space for the withdrawer distress. And becoming curious about their pursuing partners criticism and anger helps them reconnect emotionally. Listen to Podcast Here

Pursuers have beautiful motives to push toward their partners – wanting more connection, more intimacy and more sex. But they often feel rejected and are told they are too much which escalates the cycle. Learn two things that help the pursuer calm down. 1) Remind yourself that you have good intentions to create change. 2) Use an image of someone who made you feel safe – a therapist, parent, grandparent or even of yourself comforting a younger version of yourself. See how taking a wider lens including both peoples vulnerabilities…

By Carlene Lehmann, LMFT I first heard of the term "Loving Firmness" from Terry Real, psychotherapist and creator of Relational Life Therapy. It is bringing kindness and firmness together. It helps us to be assertive without being aggressive. How can we develop loving firmness? It is where you cherish your partner or child, yourself, and your relationship in equal measure. You are able to speak up and have your voice heard without having to be harsh. Instead of criticism and contempt, you treat your partner or child with the same…