How to Manage Our Anger

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT, LCDC-Intern In part one of this blog, Anger Is A Misunderstood Emotion: New Ways to Think About, I discussed why we experience anger and what goes on in our body and brain when we feel angry. If you haven’t read it yet, it provides helpful background information for this blog post. I invite you to read it first. Now that we understand more about anger, why we experience this emotion, and how it is trying to help us. We know that our prefrontal cortex (problem…

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Anger Is A Misunderstood Emotion: New Ways to Think About

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT Anger has been misunderstood. Seen as something to avoid or scary. Anger has gotten a bad rap. Many of my clients describe it as something to avoid, as scary, or destructive. I get where this comes from. All we have to do is think of an example in our lives where someone lost it when they got angry and we felt scared. Maybe you were a child and had an angry parent. You were vulnerable and if the angry outbursts weren’t unpredictable this just increases…

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4 Communication Styles to Watch Out For and Their Remedies

John Gottman, renowned relationship expert and researcher, discovered four communication styles, that when left unresolved can lead to a relationship breakdown and has 93 percent accuracy in predicting divorce. These four styles, also known as the four horsemen, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. It is important to understand each type and be able to recognize when you are engaging in it. The good news is there are remedies for each of these styles. You can learn new ways of expressing yourself that will build up your relationship instead of…

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Practical, Science-Based Steps to Heal from an Affair

Many years ago, in the Clinton era, I was asked to do an interview on whether Hillary and Bill would make it through Bill’s affair. Responding psychologically rather than politically, my answer was to say, “If couples didn’t make it through affairs, the divorce rate would be even higher than it is now.” Working through an affair is tough. It takes tremendous energy and vulnerability on both sides. Drs. John and Julie Gottman have developed the Trust Revival Method, with three defined stages of treatment: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment. The effectiveness…

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